yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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