Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
