apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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