so that wasnt chicken after all
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
