i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
