I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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