i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk