Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw his package. It spoke to me.

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  (732): I saw his package. It spoke to me. http://tfl.nu/ses1
  Replies (11) Good night (3491) Bad night (657)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

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  (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b
  Replies (27) Good night (1516) Bad night (9263)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  he is a creepy guy.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  yea thats what heroine does to ppl.

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  (937): he is a creepy guy. (1-937): yea thats what heroine does to ppl. http://tfl.nu/28ly
  Replies (14) Good night (915) Bad night (4204)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.

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  (814): I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011. http://tfl.nu/1xss
  Replies (4) Good night (1716) Bad night (1280)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.

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  (423): Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you. http://tfl.nu/zkpt
  Replies (6) Good night (1693) Bad night (1019)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero

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  (928): He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero http://tfl.nu/1qw2
  Replies (6) Good night (813) Bad night (2385)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.

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  (860): Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall. http://tfl.nu/ht1g
  Replies (4) Good night (1290) Bad night (979)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...

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  (401): Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him... http://tfl.nu/2jr7
  Replies (10) Good night (2264) Bad night (764)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.

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  (714): It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you. http://tfl.nu/6jll
  Replies (11) Good night (2056) Bad night (726)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw

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  (+61): Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw http://tfl.nu/i9kl
  Replies (10) Good night (1515) Bad night (770)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?

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  (410): What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots? http://tfl.nu/z5fp
  Replies (6) Good night (1238) Bad night (569)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH

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  (917): SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH http://tfl.nu/uo9d
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (1339)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.

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  (614): Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle. http://tfl.nu/epty
  Replies (5) Good night (1740) Bad night (486)
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  (315): View more from New York

  For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon

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  (315): For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon http://tfl.nu/xulz
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (384)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.

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  (479): Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10. http://tfl.nu/l1mx
  Replies (2) Good night (854) Bad night (471)

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