we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!