I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
