How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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