Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.

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  (310): This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/e7vz
  Replies (17) Good night (844) Bad night (4212)
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  (925): View more from California

  Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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  (925): Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend. http://tfl.nu/f39g
  Replies (35) Good night (3676) Bad night (1178)
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  (716): View more from New York

  An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready

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  (716): An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready http://tfl.nu/od5a
  Replies (21) Good night (4443) Bad night (1277)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.

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  (810): There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry. http://tfl.nu/kj1j
  Replies (2) Good night (2972) Bad night (809)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

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  (602): It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass http://tfl.nu/mkro
  Replies (10) Good night (2804) Bad night (1164)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20

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  (585): Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20 http://tfl.nu/5k8j
  Replies (12) Good night (2268) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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  (405): I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities. http://tfl.nu/i4vg
  Replies (7) Good night (738) Bad night (605)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?

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  (702): Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid? http://tfl.nu/2txb
  Replies (4) Good night (413) Bad night (1141)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?

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  (215): One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew? http://tfl.nu/l1va
  Replies (1) Good night (1064) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.

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  (202): I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever. http://tfl.nu/g05z
  Replies (0) Good night (760) Bad night (251)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.

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  (231): She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis. http://tfl.nu/zwdy
  Replies (7) Good night (444) Bad night (605)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?

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  (931): it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work? http://tfl.nu/q0sm
  Replies (7) Good night (562) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night

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  (678): Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night http://tfl.nu/l7hl
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (261)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.

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  (203): No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home. http://tfl.nu/r9pd
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (279)
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  (951): View more from California

  My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?

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  (951): My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here? http://tfl.nu/d2to
  Replies (11) Good night (596) Bad night (221)

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