You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.