I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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