This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
