i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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