but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
