What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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