Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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