UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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