I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
