We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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