Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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