phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
