I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're too hungover to prance.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
