omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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