In the future we'll all be gay
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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