you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
