Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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