I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
