Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just found puke in my bra..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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