you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
