My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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