it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
