I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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