Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
