I think I won the penis lottery.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
