so explain again why im purple
no
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
