they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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