Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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