the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
