She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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