im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
