Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There r osticjed everywhere
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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