i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
