I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
