weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
