you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
