Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This baby is an asshole
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
