I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I understand Curling. That high.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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