toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am available for nakedness
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
