She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
