Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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