I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
