Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
