i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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