Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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