i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
