The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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