Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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