Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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