i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
