is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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