ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
