in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
