Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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