the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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