It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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