I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
