WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
