he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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