when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
