So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
