Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
