i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
