Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
