I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
